Climbing volcanoes and legs on fire

My dear Canadian friend Janice, whom I met at Walai House had been going on and on about this Thai cellulite busting cream containing chilli peppers that worked wonders. The only drawback, she said, was waking up in the middle of the night to take a cold shower because her legs felt like they were on fire. "But it's working!" her Italian roomate confirmed one day, so thinking they were exaggerating a bit, I indicated I'd be interested in trying it out....particularly as I was heaidng for the beaches of the Philippines where the locals have never seen cellulite before (honestly, with all the fried chicken, pork and rice they eat here, I do wonder what it is that makes their skin so good!). So lovely Janice actually bought me a bottle as a farewell gift before heading off. Not wanting to waste any time, I lathered it on generously the morning of my departure flight to Kuala Lumpur. By the time I had walked down the stairs to the lobby I was dripping in sweat and wondering why on earth I felt so hot. I initially thought it was the hot summer months of Thailand getting to me and thought no more of it. But then after a while, I began to feel the fire through my legs and realised it was the cream. Oh well, I figured, since my legs and feet are always cold, particularly on flights, this would keep me warm...and keep the blood circulation going thus avoiding any of those flight maladies so common these days. (Any excuse'll do!). I actually got COLD on the flight, as usual. The cream "activates" with movement. I ended up on a bus into town, without a seat, and making myself room on the aisle floor of the last row, which is slightly raised and is, lucky me, above the motor. It took me a while to figure out that my profuse sweating on this air-conditioned bus was due more to the cream than to the motor.

My friend Gai stared at me in disbelief wondering how on earth my friend's testimonial had actually convinced me to try this in the first place. Despite the admonition, I secretly continued wearing it... at night... figuring my lack of movement in bed would keep the sweating and heat at bay. One morning, we all woke up early to climb the still active Taal volcano in Tagaytay. We were offered face masks before ascending because apparently the path was dusty and filled with horses taking people up. I bought one at the last minute as we were ready to climb like young trekkers that we are. I also wore my cap....you know, the say you must cover your head to prevent heat stroke, but what about the fact that hats keep your body heat in? It was noon. Once again I had managed to do vigorous exercise at the sun's prime time in the tropics. (China's Tiger Leaping Gorge trek revisited!). I began to sweat buckets...and I mean BUCKETS! Was it the time of day? the cap? the face mask? the socks and trekking shoes? the dust and the horses? I felt HEAT like never before. Indeed 2/3 of the way up I had to stop and got so dizzy I got sick. Being asked by my friends (who probably thought I was just unfit as anything) if I was tired, I honestly replied I was not....but confirmed I felt "very very hot". Of course, it took me a while to realise my mistake. That bloody cream! I had put it on the night before of course, not forecasting that it's 24 hour effects and activation wth movement would come and "bite me in the ass" the following day whilst climbing a volcano, of all things!! I sometimes wonder where my neurons have gone. Of course, my ego prevented me from taking a horse for the last 700 metres of uphill trek. By the time I got to the summit, all I could think about was sitting down and pouring water on myself. I hardly got a glimpse of the volcano's crater and certainly took no pictures.